Saying goodbye to the Wrestler

First of all, I’d like to dedicate this post to Kipp Rude. You will never be forgotten. You showed me the kind of daddy/ little relationship I always wanted. And even though you broke things off with me, I’ll always appreciate you being there for me.

So yeah, the big recent news. The wrestler broke things off with me. And after our goodbye sexcipade, I totally have finally found an understanding with him that I’m probably overthinking because I was high as hell, but also because it was probably the MOST intimate and intense experience I have ever had with a Daddy. Especially a Daddy I loved. And loved being with.

The day I got the message that he wanted to end things with me, I was devastated. After months and months of being together and wanting him sooo bad to want me, he realized that what both of us wanted wasn’t the same. And it hurt a lot to know that I wanted more, I always had, I wanted to keep him because he is the only person who’s ever been able to figure me out from the inside out and be totally okay with me being me. But the truth is, he didn’t want the commitment of being the one owning me. It makes sense in a way about him and who he is. And I didn’t get that until last night. It became all clear to me that he IS and will never be different from who he naturally is and it’s ok. And it’s ok that at least I got to enjoy this epic experience with him. And for that I will always be grateful. I will always love him in the simple ways and in the tough ways that I felt for him. But the truth is, someone who doesn’t intend on keeping you forever, will never stick around and when they say that from the beginning and actually mean it, you gotta be ok with that. Because you consciously decide that that’s fine with you and you go along hoping just to enjoy the moment you have with them. That was exactly how our relationship was. He didn’t want me to get too attached which I did, but I made the conscious decision to pursue it even though it was never offered to me. And that’s my fault. He warned me, I wanted it. I wanted to be the girl he thought about. And I’m sure he will always think of me fondly. But I’m not the girl he’ll end up with. Because he doesn’t want to end up with any girl. And I can’t force him to want to. And I won’t. Because I know my value. And so does he. So it’s ok that we broke up. I’ll always love him. I hope he’ll always have a piece of me in his heart.

So, of course, being the whore that I am and wanting sooo bad to feel his touch I had him over. And even though it was not the greatest choice given the circumstances of my emotional vulnerability, I’m glad he came over. I’m glad I got to tease him about no longer being the owner of my body as he tortured my body trying to take back what was his. I’m glad his beast showed up and growled into my soul as our bodies ravaged each other for what I hope isn’t the last time, whether I have a relationship with him or not, I can’t deny that we have an intense sexual chemistry. One that seems to be insatiable to either of us. I have ALWAYS yearned for that hungry hatefuck. That, I’m going to destroy you because I know you need it fuck. And that’s what happened. I went sooooo deep into my subhigh that my subdrop was just as intense. When he came inside me, it felt like I had finally earned what I had yearned for for so long. That piece of him that I wanted so bad. His essence. The one thing that only he could give me. I had always wanted his cum any way I could get it because let’s face it. I’m a cum whore. And cum has such a special meaning to me in the submissive headspace I have for it. And last night, though it seemed like the last time I would receive it, felt like the first time I ever earned it. And for that I am grateful. Ripping our bodies on each other with every thrust he put inside me and every kiss I stole, every inch I taunted of his body was mine. Because I took it. Because I wanted it and I took it. And in return he did the same, he took my body. Fucked my brains out and still held me when I regressed. And this is the first time I have ever regressed this far into my little self. I cried heaving breaths of pure torture. I curled up in the fetal position trying to grasp onto this thing I’ve bottled up for so long and I needed to let it go. And I did. I got hatefucked. The one I always needed. The one that would restore my fairy light. Because I had been dying for so long. The one where I cried and let go of all my safety and found the air I needed in my soul. He gave that to me. And I have needed it for so long. So thank you. In letting go of me because you know it’s not good for me to string me along when it’s not what you want, you still kept your promise to me that you weren’t going to hurt me and leave me destroyed. I thought you were going to, I thought great “he’s gonna fuck me silly till I’m in the deepest darkest hole of my soul, then leave me because he wants to have nothing to do with me.” Now that I have had to look at it from the big girl picture of it, I’m glad he did it this way. I don’t even know if this is how he intended to do so, but I know for me, this experience built me rather than put me down. I don’t even know how he did it. Or even if he wanted to. But he did so regardless. And it really made me understand him and his point of view so much more clearly.

We always joked that James Deen a renoun porn star we both admire is his spirit animal. And for the first time ever, I grasped the epic gimmick that Kipp Rude is. And further more, having seen it from my perspective like this, gives me the sweetest most innocent dork moment of joy. Kipp rude to me, is the disciple of James Deen. In my happy little space, this is how I see him and it will always look like this to me now, because for the first time looking at it like this, I saw my daddy for who he is for the first time, and it was a great way for us to end our relationship. Kipp Rude is a nefarious whoremaster in training. His idol is James Deen known for his ways in dealing with little brats who trains them to be his good little whores. And this is exactly who Kipp Rude is. So yeah I’ll always be able to say, Kipp Rude is one of my favorite Daddies. Because he showed me him. And I got to have it. I got to taste and feel and touch it. And I got to be what every little thrives to be. She wants to be his good little girl and she wants even more to be his good little whore. And for the first time I finally got to be. And I’m really really glad I got to experience that with someone. So thank you again. For showing me the Daddy part of you I loved so much. For giving me something I truly always wanted to experience, and being the one I got to experience it with.

Saying goodbye doesn’t hurt as much knowing that for just a moment, I got to allow myself to be the best little girl I could be. That makes me happy. And it really makes me happy that you helped turn back on my fairy light. Because my wings were drooping and I was running out of faith trust and pixie dust. You, most likely not knowing you did so, gave that back to me. It will give me high hopes that my next daddy will have huge experiences to live up to that only you gave me.

Thank you for being my Daddy. And thank you also for releasing me. So that I could move on. Because even though I’m a brat and I wanted you, I also know you wanted the best for me and you knew that wasn’t going to be you. I’ll miss you. I hope it won’t be the last time I get to enjoy your energy. And I hope that even if it was just for a moment, I got to make you happy. Because you really did that for me. And I will always be grateful. Thank you for giving me safe place hugs, for giving me an opportunity to be a part of your time and energy, for all the fun and exciting experiences you gave me, for allowing me to be me and loving me through it, for showing me that I am special in my own way and not just the basic bitch we giggle about with our random hits. Thank you for showing me who you were. And that i could have faith in men because there are good guys like you out there who just want to give a girl some support and a good time. Without trying to hurt us. Those were the words you gave me the first time I felt feelings for you. That you just wanted to give me great experiences and be the first to show them to me. That you wanted to enjoy it together and that it was perfect to be just me. You’ll always be one of my favorite Daddies because now I see that this is what you wanted all along. I’m sorry it took me so long to realize. You showed me so much more in the six months we spent together that I have felt in so long. You’ve given me experiences I will always look back on with a naughty grin on my face. You made me feel beautiful even though we both know I’m a plain Jane. And you made me know that I was perfect just the way I am.

I’ll miss you and I’ll never forget you. And I will always remember us this way. Not all the fights we had or the hurt I caused myself for thinking this was much more than it was. You still stayed true to yourself and to me. Even when I put you through hell for it. And I’ll love you for that for forever.